Category Archives: Christian Living

When Marriage isn’t what You Thought it Would Be

I’m excited to welcome a guest poster to the blog today. Sherri Wilson Johnson is an Inspirational Romance novelist, a speaker, and a former homeschooling mom who’d rather have laugh lines under her eyes than worry lines across her forehead. She lives in Georgia with her husband, her two children and her Chihuahua, Posey. Her favorite thing to do when she’s not with her family is to curl up with a good book or work on her current work-in-progress. She loves to dream of visiting romantic places and is passionate about the Lord, motherhood, homeschooling, and writing. Sherri is the author of To Dance Once More, Song of the Meadowlark, and To Laugh Once More. She is a columnist with Habits for a Happy Home and Choose NOW Ministries.

And now… the guest post:

When Marriage isn’t what You Thought it Would Be

by Sherri Wilson Johnson

As a little girl, I dreamed of being a wife and mother. I was born in 1966 and there wasn’t much else for a little girl to aspire to be. I loved my Legos and built houses all the time, complete with a room for all the babies I’d have one day. I played with Barbies and pretended to be Ken’s wife. Of course, when I got my Barbie airplane, I have to admit, pretending to be the flight attendant (or stewardess, as they were called then) was a guilty pleasure of mine. My dad didn’t let my mom work even after we were grown and it was pretty clear that he thought I’d start an occupation after graduating while waiting for my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet. Although I wanted to be the next big nightly news anchorwoman, I let my mind settle on “just” being a wife and mom.

Along came my prince charming a few years later, and I couldn’t wait to be his wife. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to jump right in and start having babies, but I could definitely see what our future was going to look like. We owned a company and worked side-by-side every evening cleaning office buildings. We spent late nights at Dunkin’ Donuts, came home, and snuggled until the morning light. In less than a year, I became pregnant (surprise) and the lazy days of hanging out together and the carefree nights of working alongside one another until 2:00 a.m. came to a grinding halt.

Totally unprepared for motherhood, I kind of freaked out. I felt alone and wanted to go back to being a couple. But being a strong-willed, second-born child, I sucked it up, put on my big girl pants, and gave it my all. The only problem: I didn’t know how to divide my attention between my husband and my daughter and I didn’t know how to ask him for help without looking like a wimp of a mother. Life was not turning out to be as fun and footloose as I’d dreamed it’d be when I was a little girl.

In my latest novel, To Laugh Once More, a Victorian Romance set in the South, Lydia, the heroine, suffers from this same kind of disillusionment. She thought marriage would be one big happy whirlwind of romance, complete with travels around the world and a houseful of children, all of which her governess would tend to. But three years in, she realizes that she feels no different than she did when she was a young debutante on her father’s plantation waiting for a beau to sweep her off her feet. Married to the man of her dreams, she’s still childless and is often left at home for days at a time while he travels on business and “lives the life”. She pitches quite a few hissy fits trying to get her way and life doesn’t do her any favors.

What do I have in common with Lydia? Well, we both suffered from a heavy (not healthy) dose of selfishness in our early years. We also didn’t take into account the plans God had for our lives. Instead, we had an idea of how it was supposed to go and when it didn’t go that way, well, let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. While I’m not one to act outwardly in a dramatic fashion, pitching fits and screaming and letting everyone know how I feel about a situation that didn’t go my way, I’m still guilty of getting my point across. I just often do it with silent treatments or huffing and puffing for a day or two.

Throughout my twenty-six years of marriage, I’ve learned to ride the tide a little more. Take everything in stride. Stay calm when the raging waters wash over me. I’ve learned to hold my breath and to keep my eyes focused upward because every storm passes. Once the storms pass, it’s easier to see the blessings that have been placed in my life. I’m able to see the treasure it is to be “just” a wife and mother.

How has it turned out for me so far? Well, my daughter is now twenty-three. Her brother is twenty. My husband is still with me, and that makes me happy. We’re back to being the carefree couple we were years ago, although we don’t work alongside each other in our own company. Maybe one day. I’m not an anchorwoman, but I am a published author, which was truly my dream all along.

Do I have the picket fence? Sure. But it doesn’t look like what I thought it would forty years ago. There’s splinters. There’s a few nails poking out that might stick you if you’re not careful. It needs to be updated and sprayed with a fresh coat of paint every now and then. But the One who built the house and who built the fence that keeps us safely tucked in each other’s arms keeps us set on a firm foundation with a solid roof over our heads. I’m thankful that we let God build our marriage from the ground up. I’m thankful that He stood in the gap on the days I didn’t much feel like being a wife and mother. When you build your marriage on the Solid Rock of Jesus, you can endure and even flourish throughout all of life’s storms.

∞

To Laugh Once More is a Victorian Inspirational Romance set in Georgia in 1895. The War may be over, but the battles still rage.

A dissatisfied wife. A misunderstood husband. Three tragedies will alter their path forever. Will their choices tear them apart, or will they allow them To Laugh Once More?

Three years after her marriage to Hamilton, former debutante Lydia Barrington Scarbrough is dissatisfied with life. She has yet to have children, and she spends most of her days sitting in a circle of women chatting about homemaking. She thought life would be more than what it’s turned out to be. Hamilton travels on business and never takes her with him. What’s a lonely wife to do when she has no children to raise? She longs for adventure and romance, and really, she longs for the fulfillment of her purpose in life. A purpose beyond being a wife and raising children.

Lydia faces a series of hardships that stretch her faith beyond capacity. Leaving her childhood home in Florida for Georgia proves to be more difficult than she ever imagined, and her marriage may not survive the trials. Lydia’s own personal battles drive a wedge between them. What will it take to make Hamilton attempt to save their marriage and draw Lydia back to him?

As Lydia strives to etch out a place for herself in a new world full of unfamiliar prejudice and attempts to overcome her private battles, she must help Hamilton understand her deepest longings and learn the true meaning of joy. Will she surrender her will in order to find her purpose? Will her future hold a happier marriage, motherhood, and a calling greater than she could ever have imagined?

You can find out more about the book at Sherri’s website: sherriwilsonjohnson.com/sherris-books/to-laugh-once-more/. To Laugh Once More is available for Kindle at Amazon.com and worldwide. The print version will release shortly.

A Proverbs Prayer

Robin Williams and Suicide: 3 links and a song

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On Saturday I finished reading Jan Wong‘s bestselling memoir, Out of the Blue, subtitled “A memoir of workplace depression, recover, redemption, and, yes, happiness.” The author didn’t attempt to take her own life, but in exploring depression and its effects the book does talk about suicide.

Monday evening we heard the news of Robin Williams’ death. I’m sad. Not from a sense of personal loss, but sad for a life tragically cut short. That’s a cliche, but you know what? A cliche is something that’s been over-used. Suicide happens too often. There’s too much pain.

I don’t know the reason Mr. Williams died, and it’s not my place to analyze. My heart breaks for the individuals holding this much pain and often wearing smiles to hide it–be they adult, teens or children.

On Tuesday, this was my prayer:

"Robin Williams. Christ, have mercy. Rest his soul. Hold his family. Thank You for his gifts. Let him 'fly, be free'."

Not surprisingly, everyone seems to have something to say about the news. Here are some posts that touched my heart–and a mainstream song that I hear echoing Jesus’ longing to reach the wounded.

At Steph’s Eclectic Interests, Steph Beth Nickel reminds us that while we can’t do anything about global or celebrity suffering, we can do something. See “What Can I Do?”

At The Daily Dad, Thomas Froese shares what he’d like to say to Robin Williams: “Grieving Robin Williams. His Bus Goes Home.”

At A Holy Experience, Ann Voskamp reveals “What the Church & Christians Need to Know About Suicide & Mental Health.”

And for our song: Nickelback‘s Lullaby (Yes, this song has made me cry in public, and no, I don’t agree that suicide is “the easy way out.” Read Ann Voskamp’s post, if you didn’t already. Suicide happens when strong people, who have already fought longer and harder than outsiders know, succumb to the lie that this is their best option. We know who the Liar is, and he will get what’s coming to him.)

Praying Scripture

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Do you pray Scripture over your family and loved ones? Passages that speak a blessing of some kind?

Do you turn other Bible verses into personal prayer over situations and circumstances that weigh heavily on your spirit?

Me, too. Another way I like to pray God’s Word back to Him is with one- and two-line verses—the kind that sink into our hearts once we’ve read them a few times.

They’re the ones that rise to my lips when the need is great. Here are some I’d like to share:

“Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24b, NKJV)
“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord, and keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3, NIV)
“Grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Psalm 51:12b, NIV)
“Create in me a clean heart.” (Psalm 51:10a, NLT)
“Jesus, Son of David, have mercy!” (Luke 18:38, NLT)

What are some of the verses that help you in distress?

And for those moments when even these few words are too many, I love the encouragement from this song by 7eventh Time Down: “Just Say Jesus”

Bubbles in Bratislava

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Europe on a river cruise. Hands up, everyone who’s dreamed of a getaway like this. My husband and I decided to splurge for our 30^th anniversary, and the Grand European Tour from Viking River Cruises exceeded all expectations.

Fifteen days on the ship from Amsterdam to Budapest, with daily excursions, plus a three-day extension in Prague at the end. I loved being on the deck watching the scenery slide by. My favourite stop was the charming town of Miltenberg in Germany, and Budapest at night is the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen.

Conversations with our tour guides and with the crew on Viking longship Alsvin gave me a reality check about conditions in some of Europe’s former communist countries. Why had I assumed democracy was some kind of magic remedy that would make things better?

Democracy and freedom are fine things, but like everything else, they have learning curves and weaknesses. New political leaders need time to learn how to govern well (sadly, the corrupt ones seem to catch on faster). With no restriction on travel or occupation, those looking for a better life may forsake the fields for the factories, or their homelands for emigration.

It surprised me to hear that some people long for the “good old days” of communist rule, when “nobody had much, but everyone had something.” Others are thriving, and building a bright future.

These scattered tidbits of information were a minor part of our tour, but in the midst of sightseeing, sampling fine food and learning history, they carved a sense of hopelessness in me. What could I say to someone in this position? “Jesus loves you?” He does, but the words alone don’t sound like much. And they’re hard to trot out in a two-minute conversation with a stranger.

Normal people wouldn’t be affected this way, but although I tried not to dwell on it, my heart-heaviness grew.

Our bus tour through the city of Bratislava discouraged me. On the one hand, we saw a bridge that’s an engineering marvel, as well as opulent villas where international ambassadors live and hold court.

asymmetrical suspension bridge in Bratislava

The Novy Most (New Bridge) is an asymmetrical suspension bridge (also known as the Slovak National Uprising Bridge). Photo credit: Janet Sketchley

We saw a historic castle, still in use for diplomatic meetings. Slovakia’s capital city is poised for growth.

On the other hand, we saw smoke from clusters of factories. We heard about the thin walls in the grey ranks of apartment complexes. The contrast between rich-and-showy and trying-to-survive hurt me.

The bus let us out to explore the grounds of Bratislava Castle. My husband and I wandered, taking photos and absorbing the atmosphere, but I couldn’t shake the sadness inside.

Talking with God wasn’t helping. Until I turned and saw His gift.

See the bubbles, in front of the tree to the left of the left-hand lamp post? Photo credit: Janet Sketchley

On a park bench, a mother. Blowing bubbles for her child. Something in the simple act spoke hope to me.

God is still God, and He’s still present and at work.

Looking back now at our photos, I see a beautiful, modern city with green space, cradling a picturesque, cobblestoned historic centre. The older part has quaint buildings, brass statues, and of special delight to my husband and me, fine chocolate and artisanal honey.

Brass statue of a worker peeking out of a manhole

The Watcher. Photo credit: Janet Sketchley

How much would I have missed if I only remembered this city through my sad impressions?

Funny, I wrote this post to share how God encouraged my spirit through the mother and child—and the bubbles, which He knows I love—but I see a second lesson for myself: stop trusting my own perceptions, especially the melancholy ones, and pray for clear eyes to see what God sees. (Not that He doesn’t see the hurts. He has perfect perspective.)

Funnier? That’s a big part of the message I brought home from Write Canada: pray to see and hear what God sees and hears. More about that in a future post.

Oh—lest you’re wondering, Eowyn the travel sheep (or “porta-sheep”) came too. Acton the adventure sheep would have needed his own seat on the plane.

Stuffed sheep in the window of our ship's cabin

Eowyn watching the sights. Photo credit: Janet Sketchley

Curious about the scrapes in the paint on such a new ship? We passed through a lot of locks, sometimes with bare inches’ clearance on each side. We had a skilled crew, but wave action will jostle a boat while the water’s rising.

He Can Do it Again

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He stands motionless in the dim light, his back to the door. The fashionable linen shirt droops from his tired shoulders, heavy with grime. We can almost taste the air that he breathes: dank and foul… steeped in the aroma of unwashed bodies, mouldy walls and accumulated filth… heavily spiced with fear and hopelessness.

This time, it looks like the end. Have his enemies finally triumphed?

Tension mounts, but we’re sure he’ll come up with a plan. He’s the Scarlet Pimpernel, nemesis of all that is evil within Revolutionary France. We’ve already seen him achieve the impossible. Of course he can do it again; the thrill for the audience is to see just how. (I’m thinking of the 1982 version of The Scarlet Pimpernel. See the 8-minute mark in this YouTube clip.)

He faces his peril coolly. And why shouldn’t he—he’s a fictional character. The writer protects him. It’s different for us. The threats in our lives are real, and we stand to lose.

We’re on our own.

Or are we? There was once a king named Jehoshaphat who thought otherwise. He believed his Author was responsible for making a way out at his crucial hour. Second Chronicles 20 tells the story, and it ranks alongside Hollywood’s most edge-of-the-seat thrillers.

An overwhelming army was marching on Jerusalem. Jehoshaphat was helpless to stop the slaughter of his people. In desperation, he proclaimed a national fast. And he prayed.

Unlike many of our prayers, Jehoshaphat’s wasn’t full of suggestions for how God might solve the problem. He praised God, reminding himself and the people of God’s omnipotence. He reviewed the facts: the attackers were only alive to fight because God had earlier forbidden their destruction.

Facing annihilation, Jehoshaphat concluded simply, “O our God, won’t you stop them? We are powerless against this mighty army that is about to attack us. We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.” (2 Chronicles 20:12, NLT*) And he waited.

God’s answer sounded too good to be true. Israel wouldn’t even have to fight. They were to meet the advancing army, then stand and watch God do battle on their behalf.

For Israel, hearing was receiving. Jehoshaphat led the people in worship of this God who would take care of them. They worshiped and they praised. They were still praising the next day when they saw God rout their enemies.

Jehoshaphat’s case was special. Most times, God’s deliverance involved more than “watch and see.” His people had—we have today—a role to play in the solution. God empowered Israel’s armies, but they usually had to fight.

The Old Testament view of God pictured, among other things, a strong deliverer. He watched over His chosen people, essentially requiring only two things: they were to love Him wholeheartedly, and to obey Him. As long as they did, He took care of them. When they drifted away from loving Him, discipline brought them back.

Both the protection and the discipline had a dual purpose. Israel was helped, while at the same time other nations saw the character and power of Almighty God.

Our own experiences tell us God still looks after His people. It’s vital that we remember what He has done (in our lives and throughout history) and expect the same level of care now. He hasn’t changed. This gives our faith the necessary springboard to launch us into each day.

Nothing is too hard or too insignificant to bring to God: failing health, crumbling finances, or a sobbing child’s lost soother. We are significant to Him, and so He hears our prayers.

He will care for us His way, though, not ours. We may endure some things we’d rather escape. But He will always be with us, making a way. Whatever the day holds, will we love Him, and willingly follow His lead? Look to Him in childlike and expectant trust? Let others know we’re depending on His promise to care for us?

Then, like with Israel long ago, the people around us will see God’s love and power in action. The word will go out: God is relevant to our lives. He does make a difference.

Our God is the God of Jehoshaphat—Nemesis of all that is evil within our world. He is the Author and Sustainer of the universe. We’ve already seen Him achieve the impossible. Of course He can do it again; the thrill for the believer is to see just how.

*New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

This post was originally printed in Evangel, February 2003.

5 Posts that have resonated with me lately

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At Under the Cover of Prayer, Jen Cudmore shares a challenge to go deeper than surface prayers for people who may irritate us–to do battle for them in prayer. See the full post: You Want Me to Pray for Whom?

At Other Food: daily devos, Violet Nesdoly reminds us that even Christians, if we’re not careful, can find ourselves living according to the flesh instead of the Spirit if we’re “following sinful tendencies in ways that may not even appear overtly sinful… living as if God did not exist. That is, living by one’s own resources and wits.” For wisdom on how to live oriented to the Spirit instead of the natural, read Turn the Dial to “Spirit”.

At Christian Work at Home Ministries, Melinda Means offers Three Ways to Follow God’s Plan for Your Work (for those days when our to-do lists threaten to rule us).

At Choose NOW Ministries, Tara Fairfield shares her top 5 strategies to be ready for the faith-testing storms of life. Read When the Perfect Storm Hits.

And at New Music Tuesday, an interview with Jonny Diaz gives me a new perspective on why it’s okay to be inadequate. See Jonny Diaz: Lettin’ It Fly.

When God says "I've Got This" -- He has.

Guest Post: My Identity is Broken

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My Identity is Broken

By Jessica Everingham

Insignificance. Failure.

Few words chill me like those two. I hate them even more than doing my taxes.

Why?

I’ll tell you, though I know this story won’t put me in the best light.

I’ve always enjoyed that there was something a little different about me. In school, it was simply that I was bright and everything came easily. After school, it was my job as a journalist. Everyone thought that was interesting.

Now I’m a boarding school mistress and aspiring author. The school doesn’t pay very well, but I love the kids and it allows me time to write. Besides, very few people work in boarding schools or write books—and I do both. I like that. I’m also still a volunteer journalist and spent the past weekend working on the media team at the Easterfest music festival. People paid attention to the media lanyard around my neck. It was cool.

But this week I’m having to face a fact: my part-time job and ‘unpaid career’ aren’t making any money. And since I’ve had no luck getting back into paid journalism, I need to go do something boring like flip burgers or answer phones. Anything that pays.

I don’t like the thought of having a boring job. But what I really hate is the possibility that if I never get my novels published, the boring job could be my whole career. I could be a completely normal, nothing-unusual-about-her, regular old person.

[Insert gagging here.]

It’s a sobering thought, but so is the fact that my identity is way more wrapped up in my work than I realized.

I only posted about God and identity a few months ago on my own blog. It was actually the first post I wrote that started attracting views. It kick-started my blogging journey. Yet here I am four months later, realizing that without an ‘interesting’ job my sense of identity is shattered.

I also know, deep down in myself, that my writing career probably isn’t going to move very far forward until I sort this thing out. I can feel God prodding, showing me where I need to change. And I know that if I get the ‘success’ I crave tomorrow, it could easily destroy me.

If I had overnight success, my identity would only become further intertwined with my career. I would become proud. I would also dread the day when my book sales dropped and I moved from the ‘successful’ category to ‘has-been’. That fear would motivate me to put writing ahead of relationships and even God. And on the day when my fear came true, it would sink me into the depths of despair.

That’s not a future I want.

I already know that God wants my identity to be in Him. Why else would He say,

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength”? (Mk 12:30 NIV, emphasis mine).

He wants all of me. And if I was as focused on God as what that verse says, I wouldn’t be so worried about my own sense of identity.

If that verse isn’t enough, here’s another:

“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” (Matt 10:39 NIV)

Would I be happy to lose myself, if God asked? Could I walk away from my computer and writing career?

With my current mindset, that would be pretty difficult. Since I don’t like the thought of being dependent on a job for my sense of self-worth, I think it’s time to change.

Which is all well and good, but…how?

Well, Jesus tells us that ‘apart from Me you can do nothing’. (John 15:5 NIV) So Step One is asking God for His continued help. And while I’m at it, I’ll ask Him to keep pointing out these areas where I need to change.

Step Two will be keeping the above verses in my mind. I need to spot those wrong thoughts when they come and use the Sword of the Spirit (God’s Word) to stab, slice and dice them away. It might take a while, but we’ll get there.

It almost seems silly for me to let go of my drive to succeed. After all, ‘success’ is our holy grail. The people we most admire are the ones who have success in their families, businesses, ministries and general life.

But in the long run, I know this is going to be freeing. I’m still going to work hard. But if things don’t pan out, I will know my life is still significant, because it’s been spent in relationship with God. I won’t be weighed down by my fear of failure or my dread of insignificance. I’ll have the courage to just be God’s follower—nothing more, nothing less.

And that is both the most humble position and highest honor in the world.

Photography by Kali Brumpton

Jessica Everingham is a journalist, blogger, boarding school mistress and aspiring author. She is 22 and lives in sunny Queensland, Australia. She loves connecting with people via her blog, Consumed By Him, Facebook, and Twitter (@JessEveringham). Come say hi!

Proof that Jesus Loves Me

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Good Friday is a difficult day. How do you balance the ultimate, willing sacrifice of Jesus Christ to save us all: His pain against our rich benefit?

One thing I know: Good Friday proves His love for me. For you. For us all.

Let this song from the David Crowder*Band bless you: Shadows. Take in the words: “When all seems lost, remember the cost. Rest in the shadow of the Cross.” [paraphrased]

Seeing The Leader Within

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I’m thrilled to welcome Jill Hart to share a guest post with us today. Jill is the author of Do Life Different, which I reviewed earlier this week (click to read the review). Here’s your chance to sample Jill’s writing, maybe pick up a bit of wisdom, and get to know her a bit.

Seeing The Leader Within
by Jill Hart

if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
Romans 12:8b NIV

I ran my website, www.CWAHM.com, for many years before I saw myself as a leader. In my mind, I was just a mommy blogger trying to work from home. After I’d been in business for nearly ten years, a good friend and mentor sat me down and challenged me to begin acting like a leader. She told me that women were looking to me not only for help in working from home, but for advice on parenting, spiritual growth, and other areas of life.

I tried to deny I was leader because the title scared me. It still does. When I think of a leader, I think of my pastor or government officials. Leadership comes with responsibility, and I wasn’t sure I was willing to take that on. As I prayed about this idea of being a leader, God showed me He’d already put me a in a place of leadership. I could step into that role or step back into the comfort of a normal life.

Many of us don’t want to accept when God calls us into ministry or leadership. Realize, however, that you’re likely already a leader in some form. If you’re a mom, you’re a leader. If you help with the children at church, you’re a leader. If you’re a Christian, you’re a leader. People are watching you live and represent Christ. If you don’t believe me, ask God to show you who you might be leading.

Stepping out of our comfort zone can be scary and sometimes painful. Moving from an unintentional leader to an intentional (or diligent) leader may feel like a big jump, but the rewards are eternal.

Once you begin to see yourself as a leader, you will begin to act like a leader so you don’t end up incompetent. No one sets out to be a bad leader, but if you aren’t being intentional, then you’ve set yourself up for failure.

Lead your children. Lead at church. You may not know it, but people look up to you. Instead of sticking your head in the sand and telling yourself you could never be a leader, ask God what He has for you. Be willing to step forward and lead the people who look to you.

~~~

Jill Hart is a writer, speaker and coach, showing others how to follow the calling God has placed on their lives. She teaches her clients how to overcome the fear of getting started and helps them discover ways to find success. She is the author of the new devotional book, Do Life Different. Learn more about Jill at www.jillhart.com.

Link for book: http://bit.ly/do-life-different