Category Archives: Christian Living

It’s Okay to Say No (Guest Post)

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

It’s Okay to Say No

by Steph Beth Nickel

“It’s vital that people have access to this information. What would you think of using my research and writing a book? No need to put my name on it.”

Sounds like a writer’s dream, doesn’t it?

The material is sound. It could help a lot of people. Theoretically, I could carve out time in my schedule.

Still, I knew the right thing to do was to turn down the offer.

As writers, we don’t have to take on every opportunity that comes our way.

Granted, we don’t always have the freedom to say no, but when that is a viable option, it’s important to weigh the pros and cons.

Here are nine questions to ask yourself when considering an opportunity that comes your way. (As a Christian, I believe it’s important to do so prayerfully, asking God for wisdom and direction.)

  1. Does the prospect of taking on this project excite me?
  2. Do I have the skills necessary to complete this project—or am I able to acquire them in a reasonable amount of time?
  3. How long will it take to complete this project? (It’s always important to give yourself more time than you think you need. The more involved the project, the more margin you’ll want to factor in.)
  4. Will I have to set aside other projects in order to take this on?
  5. Will I have to sacrifice volunteer commitments and time with family and friends?
  6. Will I need the support of others? Is so, would it be reasonable to ask it of them?
  7. Is it reasonable to think that I will have the physical, mental, and emotional energy it will take to push through until this project is complete?
  8. Will the return on investment (ROI) be worth it? (ROI doesn’t always refer to financial gain. For example, the sense of satisfaction that comes from completing a project you’re passionate about can make it worth the time and effort.)
  9. If after asking myself this series of questions, I’m still undecided, who can I discuss this with who knows me and my situation well enough to give me wise counsel?

When faced with a decision, I like to remember Lysa TerKeurst’s book The Best Yes. The title pretty much says it all.

To sum up how to best make a decision, we can ask ourselves a single question: Is this the best yes for me at this time?

And remember…

It really is okay to say no.

Photo of Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and birth doula. If you would like more information about her services, you can contact her at nurtureandinspire@gmail.com;
join her Facebook group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/2725853534313738;
or visit her website-in-progress: nurtureandinspire.com.

In Search of Greener Grass (Guest Post)

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Image by Christian Wöhrl from Pixabay

In Search of Greener Grass

by Steph Beth Nickel

SURPRISE!

The grass isn’t always greener.

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but, for one reason or another, never seem to get around to?

Or…

Maybe you devote a great deal of time to the project over a few days, weeks, or months, but then life happens, and you set the project aside.

Can I write? I can.

Do I have a plethora of ideas for books I’d like to publish? Without a doubt, from picture books to YA speculative fiction novels to contemporary Christian women’s fiction. And that’s just the beginning.

Do I have a number of manuscripts started? <averts eyes and hums>

Do I keep making plans to get back to writing? Absolutely!

But what do I spend my time doing? Not writing.

Will I get back to writing? That’s the plan.

But recently I discovered something.

At this point, authoring books may not be the call on my life.

As an editor, I help other writers more effectively communicate the message that’s on their heart.

What is it that lets me know that, for now, this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing? Comments like the following:

“It sounds just like me—only better.”

“You’ve not only made my writing better; you’ve made me a better writer.”

“I’m excited to begin working with you.”

What do you dream of doing? Are you currently pursuing your dreams? If not, have you made definite plans as to when you will begin doing so?

Here’s something else to think about…

Maybe you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing for now.

Between your day job, your family responsibilities, and your volunteer work, maybe there are simply no more hours left in the day.

But others are doing it all.

I don’t want to miss out.

If I just got up an hour earlier…

It could be time to replace those thoughts. Here are some ways to do just that…

  1. As a Christian, it’s important to pray over our schedule and ask for wisdom as we create our To-Do List each day. Then…
  2. List all the responsibilities you have. Remember to include downtime and the needed “white space” in your schedule. We all need to recharge.
  3. Consider the people who benefit from the tasks you accomplish each day. While excessive people pleasing is at one end of the scale and self-absorption is at the other, there is a way to keep a healthy tension between the two. We depend on others, and others depend on us. That’s not a bad thing unless we go to extremes.
  4. Write down the things you enjoy/find gratifying about the tasks on your list. Beginning a daily gratitude journal for your life as it is today is a great way to make this an ongoing exercise.
  5. Honestly evaluate if there’s something you could cross off the list.
  6. Decide if the projects you dream of accomplishing “one day” are for now or some day in the future.
  7. Break down those projects you would like to accomplish into small, doable chunks. In this way, they won’t seem so overwhelming, and you may be able to add the less time-consuming tasks to your current schedule, giving you a sense of forward momentum.

Those voices that insist the grass is greener elsewhere and that, if we just try hard enough, our “yard” will be the envy of others need to be quietened. Guilt, shame, and discontentment do not serve as healthy motivators.

Let’s keep Colossians 3:23 in mind and do everything we do as if doing it for the Lord, whether that’s writing the next Amazon bestseller or preparing dinner for our family.

Photo of Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and birth doula. If you would like more information about her services, you can contact her at nurtureandinspire@gmail.com;
join her Facebook group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/2725853534313738;
or visit her website-in-progress: nurtureandinspire.com.

Review: Making Room in Advent: 25 Devotions for a Season of Wonder, by Bette Dickinson

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Making Room in Advent: 25 Devotions for a Season of Wonder, by Bette Dickinson (IVP, 2022)

Meditative artwork, Scripture, and a brief devotional followed by reflective questions and short “breath prayers” to repeat through the day make this book a special part of Advent—or at least December 1-25, since the season of Advent usually begins in November.

The Bible verses come from Luke 1 and 2, highlighting the key figures: Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, Simeon, and Anna.

Making Room in Advent became a favourite part of each day for me, bringing quiet, calm, and pages of journalled response. I missed the benefit of the brief daily prayers by not taking time to write them down and keep them in view to include in my day.

The art in this book is lovely, restful, and thought-provoking. A paper copy of the book would be ideal, although I found reading the ebook on a tablet gave me a large enough view of each image. I don’t know how effective it would be on a smartphone.

Highly recommended for anyone desiring a meaningful collection of devotionals leading up to Christmas—although it could benefit readers any time of the year.

Bette Dickinson is a prophetic artist, a writer, and a speaker. To learn more about her, visit bettedickinson.com.

[Review copy from my personal library.]

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Looking Back, Looking Ahead (Guest Post)

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Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

by Steph Beth Nickel

“Finish strong.”

We’ve all heard it. We may even be overjoyed with what we’ve accomplished this year.

Or not…

On her podcast, “The Next Right Thing,” Emily P. Freeman acknowledged the goal may not be to finish strong but simply to finish.

Let’s wrap up 2022 on a positive note—even if we didn’t achieve everything we wanted to in 2022.

First, let’s look back so we can look ahead with clearer vision.

Let’s ask ourselves the following questions about the past year:

Did I achieve my goals for 2022? At least some of them?

Did I take strides forward—even small ones? With regard to my physical health? My emotional wellbeing? My relationships? My writing goals?

Did I overcome procrastination—at least some of the time?

Did I change course when I recognized I was no longer moving in the right direction?

What goals do I want to carry over into 2023? And what goals do I want to set aside?

As we look to the year ahead, let’s be kind to ourselves.

Let’s consider the following questions as we look ahead to the new year:

What goals am I carrying over from 2022?

What would I say is my #1 goal for the year? For the first quarter of the year? For January?

Are there things I need to set aside, even if they’re incomplete?

How can I prevent those persistent dreams from always sinking to the bottom of my list of priorities?

How can I factor in white space in my schedule?

The term Simple, Not Easy has come across my screen from several sources. This is my phrase for the coming year.

This is how I plan to implement my Phrase of the Year:

Choose quarterly goals. From there, break them down into monthly and weekly goals.

Schedule in adequate white space: downtime and time to rejig when things don’t go as planned.

Commit to the incomplete and ongoing tasks I’m carrying over from 2022.

Be willing to set aside tasks when they are no longer moving me in the direction I believe I am to go.

Prayerfully consider new opportunities that come across my path. Just because I can doesn’t mean I should.

How does looking back help you determine your goals for the days ahead?

What’s your #1 goal for the first quarter of 2023?

Do you have a Word or Phrase of the Year?

Photo of Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and birth doula. If you would like more information about her services, you can contact her at nurtureandinspire@gmail.com;
join her Facebook group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/2725853534313738;
or visit her website-in-progress: nurtureandinspire.com.

Review: Sword Fighting, by Christine Dillon

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Sword Fighting: Applying God’s Word to Win the Battle for our Mind, by Christine Dillon (Links in the Chain Press, 2020)

This practical guide begins with a biblical overview of the necessity and methods of using Scripture to combat the lies and distractions that can otherwise render Christians ineffective and keep us in a state of weakness.

The second, longer section addresses specific issues like anger, worry, fear, etc. It’s worth reading the full book no matter how irrelevant certain topics feel to you—they may help you better understand someone else. However, you can easily jump first to those where you most relate.

Perhaps because I’ve read on this topic before, I found the start a little slow. I’m glad I kept reading, because the examples of specific Scriptures applied daily (or more often!) to retrain people’s negative thought patterns were challenging and inspiring.

The author includes case studies (names changed) of individuals who were crippled by doubt, low self-esteem, etc and who achieved breakthrough into the full life God intended for them through this simple method of identifying suitable biblical truth and repeatedly wielding this Sword. Far too often we raise the weapon once or twice and then give up.

I highly recommend Sword Fighting as a practical example of how we can win the battles in our own heads by accurate use of Scripture.

Some (of many) highlights in my copy of the book:

If a thought or temptation comes into our mind and we can’t immediately combat it with appropriate verses or principles from Scripture, then we are spiritually flabby. [Not said in judgment, but in a call to develop our “muscles.” Chapter 4, Kobo page 2 of 8]

It is the action of “taking every thought captive” that is the core of spiritual sword fighting. [Chapter 4, Kobo page 3 of 8]

You have been listening to your own thoughts, but now you must begin to listen to what God says in His word and to what God says through other people. [Chapter 13, Kobo page 8 of 20]

Christine Dillon writes both nonfiction and fiction. This book was many years in the writing but was ultimately published as a companion to her novel, Grace in the Desert, in which the characters experienced the need (and results) of this type of spiritual warfare. Since fiction can give examples but not detailed instructions, Sword Fighting was released. And I’m grateful.

To connect with the author or learn more about her ministry and her books, visit storytellerchristine.com. If you enjoy fiction that combines a good story with solid spiritual growth, check out her Grace series. I’d encourage you to begin with book 1, Grace in Strange Disguise, since the characters change and grow throughout the series.

[Review copy from my personal library.]

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Is Balance a Bad Word? (Guest Post)

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Letter tiles spelling out "Balance".
Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay

Is Balance a Bad Word?

by Steph Beth Nickel

How do you feel about the word balance?

When I was in Bible College (approximately a million years ago), I thought the word was synonymous with compromise.

If you “balanced” your spiritual life with your other responsibilities, weren’t you denying the scriptural mandate to do everything as if doing it for the Lord?

It took time, but I realized balance is not a bad word. It doesn’t necessarily mean compromise. Plus, it doesn’t mean that you believe God is more interested in certain aspects of your life than in others.

For example, we are faced with the challenge of balancing how we spend out time and what we focus on every. single. day.

Do I stop and pray for those in the path of hurricanes such as Fiona, which recently affected friends in both Bermuda and the Atlantic provinces of Canada or do I forge ahead, crossing off items from my never-ending To-Do List?

The answer should be BOTH.

As I pray, I can ask God if He wants me to become more personally involved.

If the answer is yes, then I may have to set aside items on my list that are not of high priority.

I must find the right balance.

When I hear about things that are important to me, things that fire me up, I can be tempted to change course, to take up a banner that is not mine to carry, to get distracted from the call of God on my life. I can—and often do—become unbalanced.

I have to ask myself some questions when I’m tempted to change course, something that happens far more frequently than you might imagine.

These questions might also help you if you’re trying to balance your priorities and pursuits.

  1. What are my current obligations? Are there any I could consider setting aside? Which are non-negotiable?
  2. If a new opportunity comes my way, do I have room in my schedule and the energy to take on something more or will I have to set aside something I’m currently working on?
  3. Do I say yes to tasks because I feel God has brought these opportunities into my life or do I say yes because I have a hard time saying no to people—especially if the opportunity intrigues me and is something I have the skill set to accomplish?
  4. On the other hand, do I wear blinders and miss opportunities that the Lord brings my way because I’m so focused on sticking to my current To-Do List?
  5. Do I take on things because I’m “a fixer” who genuinely cares about coming alongside others? Still, there is only so much I’m responsible for, and it’s important to prayerfully discern God’s priorities before jumping in and trying to “fix” something He hasn’t called me to fix.

As a woman of a certain age (61), I’ve finally had to admit that I can’t pursue every shiny object or take up every cause that is important to me.

I foresee that I will always be eclectically interested and eclectically involved. However, I am prayerfully trying to focus my energies on accomplishing the tasks that God has clearly given me and leaving the rest up to others.

Have I found the perfect balance? Not by a long shot, but I’m getting closer.

Photo of Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and birth doula. If you would like more information about her services, you can contact her at nurtureandinspire@gmail.com;
join her Facebook group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/2725853534313738;
or visit her website-in-progress: nurtureandinspire.com.

Did Bobby McFerrin Have It Right? (Guest Post)

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Image by Sirpa P from Pixabay

Did Bobby McFerrin Have It Right?

by Steph Beth Nickel

Whether it’s cancer, COVID, or corruption, it seems everywhere we look there is something threatening to steal our peace.

And in the writer’s world there are contacts, conferences, and contracts to consider as well. While these may be exciting, they can still cause stress.

So, what are we to do?

Should we simply do our best to follow Bobby McFerrin’s advice: Don’t worry; be happy. (Yes, Bob Marley sang it, but Bobby McFerrin wrote the lyrics.)

We can only ignore what’s going on around us for so long. Plus, in the long term, this is 1) virtually impossible and 2) extremely irresponsible.

We are called to fulfill our commitments. Granted, some of us (read “most of us”) take on too much—at least at times. But even if we’ve learned to say, “No, I’m unable to add that to my schedule,” it’s probably because our plate is already full to overflowing.

And would we really be at peace, worry-free, if we could sing and dance our way through life without any thought to the heartaches going on all around us?

Sure, we need to take regular breaks to clear our mind and refresh our body. But the real happiness, the real peace, comes from obeying God’s commands in Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (ESV).

If we try to obey the first part of this verse in our own strength, we’ll soon throw up our hands in defeat. It isn’t as easy as choosing happiness instead of worry.

However, as He always does, God shows us how we can set aside our anxiety. Pray and give thanks.

That sounds easy enough, but we all know it’s not “one and done.”

I have a tendency to obsess over (read “worry about”) things I can’t change until God reminds me AGAIN of Philippians 4:6.

So, what are you laser focussed on with regard to your writing right now? Is it stressing you out? Is that stress quickly turning into full-fledged worry? Is it immobilizing you, which adds to your stress levels?

Be encouraged. God cares about you. He can—and will—work out all the details.

Take your concerns and requests to Him. Focus on all the things you have to be thankful for. “Rinse and repeat” as necessary. If you’re anything like me that will be often.

Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Photo of Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and birth doula. If you would like more information about her services, you can contact her at nurtureandinspire@gmail.com;
join her Facebook group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/2725853534313738;
or visit her website-in-progress: nurtureandinspire.com.

Excuses vs. Reasons (Guest Post)

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Signposts: One arrow says "one way" and the opposite one says "or another".
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Excuses vs. Reasons

By Steph Beth Nickel

Do you scold yourself when you don’t get everything done on your daily To-Do List or when you don’t achieve everything you’d hoped to achieve?

Beating yourself up about it rarely, if ever, gets the job done.

However, we all must be honest with ourselves and evaluate if we’re making excuses or have legitimate reasons for failing to cross everything off our list.

Excuses include the following (just ask me how I know):

  1. Watching “just one more” episode of a show we’re enjoying…or, at least, tolerating.
  2. Scrolling through our newsfeed for “just a few more minutes.”
  3. Thinking, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” (Trust me; I put the PRO in procrastination.)

On the other side of the coin are legitimate reasons for not achieving the things on our list:

  1. Something truly urgent comes up that demands our immediate attention.
  2. Our expectations of ourselves are unreasonable.
  3. Our physical and/or emotional well needs refilling.

These are only a handful of examples, but you get the idea.

And now for the good news!

Whether you’ve been making excuses or have perfectly good reasons for what you do or don’t get done, there are ways you can silence that finger-wagging inner voice:

  1. If you make a To-Do List or simply record deadlines and occasions you don’t want to miss, prioritize your list. What is time-sensitive and something you must/really want to remember? To make sure you don’t miss anything important, write it down somewhere you will check often—whether in a paper planner or on an app.
  2. While it’s important to take other people’s feelings and ideas into consideration, be careful not to allow their priorities to influence your schedule unless those priorities line up with what you believe to be God’s plans and purposes for you.
  3. Be reasonable. There are only so many hours in the day, and you’re only one person.
  4. If you don’t achieve everything on your list, be honest with yourself. Did you have legitimate reasons, or did you find yourself making excuses?
  5. If you find you’re making excuses, choose ONE to work on until it’s no longer a default. Don’t try to eliminate all the excuses at once, or you’ll simply become frustrated and scold yourself even more.
  6. Get into the habit of making an Accomplishments or Victory List. Record what you get done and regularly review the list. It will help when you’re tempted to become discouraged. (Include household chores and running errands. It may feel like you’re getting very little done, but an itemized list will put that misconception to rest.)
  7. As believers, committing our day to the Lord before we get out of bed, praying over each task, and laying down what we did or did not achieve before Him each night will make a huge difference in how we create our To-Do Lists. It will also help us keep our focus where it belongs and will make us more sensitive to His leading.

Be positive. Be patient. And be prayerful.

Photo of Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and birth doula. If you would like more information about her services, you can contact her at nurtureandinspire@gmail.com;
join her Facebook group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/2725853534313738;
or visit her website-in-progress: nurtureandinspire.com.

Review: Joy that Renews, by Steve Akerson

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Cover of Joy that Renews: A devotional from Psalms to refresh your life every day, by Steve Akerson.

Joy that Renews, by Steve Akerson (River Birch Press, 2021)

These devotions brim with infectious joy and confident trust in our Lord.

Taking one verse from each of the Bible’s 150 psalms, Joy that Renews invites readers to grow deeper in their relationship with God. The daily devotionals focus on God’s goodness and love and on themes like living in freedom, thankfulness, and listening to God. Although the Psalms were written many years before Christ, they contain much that points to Jesus.

Each day’s reading begins with a title, a one-line summary, and then the Scripture, a brief application, and a heartfelt response. The conversational, transparent style makes for easy reading and relatability. The author uses The Passion Translation, which puts oft-familiar verses in a fresh light.

Anyone familiar with the psalms as a whole is aware that they’re not all light and jubilant. Some are laments, and some groan with deep pain and affliction. One of the points Steve Akerson draws from these heavier psalms is that “You will always have a big choice in your life—either to focus on your problems or on God’s goodness. That choice will make a tremendous difference in the quality of your life and on those around you.” [Day 22, “Chased by Goodness,” Hoopla edition page 61]

And “It is good for you to praise Him, even if your praise is accompanied by tears and sorrows.” [Day 31, “Turn Distress Upside Down,” Hoopla edition page 77]

I appreciate how, whatever the circumstances, this book turns the focus back to God and His goodness. This helps strengthen our faith and leads us into worship. I also appreciate the encouragement to listen to God with expectancy—the more we train our spiritual ears to recognize His voice, the closer we’ll walk with Him. Or, as Day 110, “Listen—God is Talking,” says, “His words will bring richness to your soul.” [Hoopla edition page 253]

These daily readings blessed me, and I’ll be marking Joy that Renews as a book to read again. The book is also available in print and digital format from many online venues.

Author Steve Akerson is one of the Prayer Team leaders at Hosanna Church in Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota. For more about the author and his book, and to request the free study guide that accompanies it, visit joythatrenews.com.

[Review copy from Hoopla.]

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The Season of Promise (Guest Post)

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Baby Robins (photo credit: Steph Beth Nickel)

The Season of Promise

by Steph Beth Nickel

Birdsongs. Budding trees. Flowers opening to the sun.

Signs of promise and new life are all around us here in the Northern Hemisphere. (In the Southern Hemisphere, my favourite season has begun.)

Regardless of the season, we have the opportunity to experience God’s promises each and every day.

Will we experience the fulfilment of His promises in our time and in the way we’d choose for ourselves? Rarely, very rarely.

Still, His promises are Yay and Amen!

How can we rest in those promises—and share them with others?

  1. We must spend time in God’s Word. No matter how familiar it becomes, there is always more to learn.
  2. Prayer is crucial. If the past two years have taught us anything, it’s this: what seemed impossible and surreal—unthinkable even—may be waiting just around the corner. Prayer is the only way to find peace and assurance in the midst of unimaginable circumstances. Plus, it’s a great way to focus on the Lord rather than on … well, anything else.
  3. Spend time with other believers, those who will encourage you and build you up. If you’re unable to do so in person, keep in mind that it’s important to carry on two-way conversations, not simply watch church services online.
  4. Head out into creation and soak in the wonder of the season, knowing that God reveals His nature in what He has made.
  5. If you feel overwhelmed, it’s 100% fine to get the help you need, including professional help. These past two years have taken their toll emotionally as well as physically as never before.
  6. We can’t wait until we’ve got it all together before we reach out to others, or we’ll never reach out. We’re always facing one challenge or another.
  7. Even before you feel adequately equipped, look for ways to bless others. Drop a card in the mail. Allow that person with only a couple of items to go ahead of you at the checkout. Smile at a stranger. (Even if you’re wearing a mask, it will show in your eyes.) A simple act of kindness can go a long way to brightening someone’s day—and our own.
  8. Prayerfully consider the writing projects you have on the go. Is it time to persevere and complete them or is God leading you in a different direction? (Remember: just because you’ve hit a wall doesn’t mean you should scrap the project. This is when we need abundant wisdom and clear guidance.)
  9. Take on a new project that will allow you to share the promises of God and evidences of the new life we have in Christ. Write a related blog post. Record an encouraging podcast. Start a Bible study—in your home or a private Zoom room.

We each express our creativity in unique ways, but we can only do so for a limited amount of time if we don’t refill the well.

What is your favourite season and why? What promises does it bring to mind? How do you share this encouragement with others?

Photo of Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography

Steph Beth Nickel is an editor, writer, and birth doula. If you would like more information about her services, you can contact her at nurtureandinspire@gmail.com;
join her Facebook group:
 https://www.facebook.com/groups/2725853534313738;
or visit her website-in-progress: nurtureandinspire.com.