Tag Archives: self-pity

“It’s All in Your Head”

“It’s all in your head.” Doctors say this, maybe family too, and whether or not they intend it, you hear a dismissive tone. A put-down. A message that says “it’s your fault, you caused it, and it won’t go away until you decide to stop it.”

In all fairness, what a good doctor probably means is, “It’s outside my expertise to help you with something that’s generated in your mind.” The tone is probably genuine regret that s/he can’t help.

Let’s not get into the debate over whether it truly is generated in your mind. Doctors have been known to write off tangible physical responses to environmental and food sensitivities because the tests don’t show any proof. And other things actually are products of the mind.

The fact is, we’re still stuck with the problem until we get help. If a medical doctor can’t help, perhaps a naturopath or counsellor can—or a prayer warrior.

Today I’m thinking of the kind of thing that actually is all in the head: the lies or worldviews that we internalize and believe that limit and damage us. The garbage that needs taking out.

Cover of "Battlefield of the Mind: Winnin...

Cover via Amazon

For me some of that is self-pity, self-focus and just plain self. I found Joyce Meyer’s Battlefield of the Mind a very effective removal tool, and I need to read it again.

It’s important to recognize the mental crud, agree with Jesus that it doesn’t belong there, and then cooperate with Him to replace it with wholesome, holy, healthy thoughts.

If it’s all in my head… that means it’s not a tangible disease or limitation. Real, but it doesn’t need a scalpel, drugs or a prosthesis to fix. It just needs realigning my mind to God and cooperating with Him.

I find that liberating and encouraging.

God bless Peter Furler for his song, “All in Your Head,” where I first heard the encouraging tone and the assurance that “it’s all in your head” means “nothing’s really holding you back” and I could push through the blockage.

Moment of Choice

Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.
Romans 8:12, NLT*

The 1996 version of the NLT puts it even plainer:

you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.

Paul is writing about how those who belong to Jesus are to “no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.” (Romans 8:4b, NLT*) He says we’re free from our old ways. Now we have to choose: will we stick with those destructive patterns, or will we obey the Holy Spirit?

As well as the “big ticket” sins, there are a lot of little things our sinful nature urges us to do: things we either don’t notice as sin or that we think are just part of who we are. Things like grumbling or self-pity.

Even things that aren’t really sin but aren’t good for us. Like that second—or third—chocolate chip cookie when we’re trying to lose weight. Or “just one more chapter” when it’s past bedtime.

you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.

We’re told there’s a moment of choice between stimulus and response, but I often respond before I can think. Since finding this verse, I’ve sometimes felt a pause, as if I’ve been pulled aside, and sensed a friendly and confident whisper: “You know, you have no obligation whatsoever to do that.”

Usually I agree. (Sometimes I say “No, but I want to.” Still working on that!)

God of grace and mercy, who ransomed us from sin and makes a way for us to be clean and holy in Your presence, open our eyes to the temptations to be less than You’ve designed us to be. Remind us that because of Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection we have no obligation whatsoever to do what our sinful natures urge us to do. Give us willing hearts, and help us to choose those things that please You. Thank You for setting us free.

It all comes down to “who’s ruling—God or self?” Here’s Brenton Brown singing “Lord, Reign in Me.”

*New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Goal: No Fussing

Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the LORD—
now and always.
Psalm 131:2-3, NLT*

Some days I fight the good fight, and some days anxiety sneaks in there as fast as I can push it out. Self-pity swirls into a whirlpool, and the best I can do by holding onto God is to keep from going down the funnel.

I tell myself the truth about God, but then I look back at the feelings. Can’t seem to help it.

These verses are where I want to be, to rest.

A weaned child… able to sit on a parent’s lap, or to play nearby, not fussing or seeing Mommy as only a source of “what I want.”

Some parents can’t provide, even healthy mother’s milk if malnutrition is severe enough. Some parents won’t provide. Won’t love.

What do I know of God? He can meet my needs, when and how His wisdom knows is best. And He always loves me.

Abba God, Papa, whisper quiet to my soul so I can rest as if in Your arms, secure in Your love and provision without the incessant clamour of anxiety. I can’t deny the realities and possibilities that tempt me to fret, but I can believe in You. Help me trust You more.    

Here’s Phil Wickham’s soul-encouraging song, “Safe”.

*New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Pleasing God

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Colossians 3:23-24, NIV*

I’m still thinking about “seek God first” and how that applies to my life. These verses talk about seeking His approval first—before that of others.

Motivation.

Why am I doing what I do, or not doing what I don’t? For His glory and praise, or to please myself or others?

If I raise my hands in worship at church… is it to please Him? Or to defy those who stay still? If I keep my hands down, is it sensitivity to my neighbour… or fear of what someone might say?

That’s a silly example, maybe, but we all know about small things and small minds…. Seriously, the little choices can matter as much as the big ones, because God sees the heart.

What am I thinking about when I’m slicing strawberries for jam? Grumbly thoughts about how such tiny berries make the job take longer, or thankful ones about fresh strawberries and how sweet the small ones are?

When I’m tired at the end of the day, does it please God if I slip into a mental pity party? Or does He still want me praising Him?

Father God, You know me better than I know myself. You see my heart and deepest thoughts. Help me to seek Your approval first—to want to please You most. Help me take every thought captive and to examine it to see if it’s pleasing to You. I can’t help what thoughts come in, but in the strength of Your Spirit I can evict those that aren’t welcome to stay.

Here’s a song that’s new to me, from a new-to-me Canadian group called Christ Our Life: “Search Me, Oh God.” This song and others from the same group are available for free download at Free Godly Christian Music.

*New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Because He’s Near

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
Philippians 4:5, NIV*

Some people go all melodramatic when they’re hurt. Some lash out. Others need to be alone to deal with the pain… or to stoke a martyr complex.

I tend to fall into the “poor me” category. Saturday morning I went to Curves (I don’t happily do Saturday mornings out). After I signed in, I bent to collect my things and stood up—straight into the underside edge of the countertop.

I couldn’t stop a little yelp. The other women were sympathetic, and I could have played it up a bit. I was also tired, my head hurt, and I wanted to slink off and cry a bit.

But today’s verse slid into my mind. That word “gentleness” caught me. When I’m hurt I may exhibit “gentle” but in the beaten-down, defeated sort of way.

Somehow I knew the Holy Spirit was encouraging me to be gentle in the normal way, not the victim way, and to carry on with my workout instead of letting the hurt stop me. “The Lord is near.” That comforted me, said there was no need to look for sympathy from others or from myself. God knew, and He was with me.

In context, Philippians 4:4-7 talks about choosing prayer over anxiety and rejoicing in God’s presence. It’s not about klutzy accidents and self-pity. Or is it?

Father, I praise You for gently caring for me even in the little things of life. Help me be confident that You’ll be just as present in the bigger troubles. Help me keep a gentle, quiet spirit that’s resting in Your will—because I can trust that You are near.

This week’s song is Fee’s “Arms that Hold the Universe.”

*New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.