Why do you do what you do? Complacency, contentment, or
conviction?
An onlooker might not be able to tell the difference.
Sometimes even we can’t tell the difference.
It’s what I’ve always done. That’s complacency.
I believe this is right, and it has been confirmed over
and over again. That’s conviction.
But what about contentment?
It may look like complacency, but then again, it just might
be conviction.
Contentment is my word for 2020.
As you may know, I am eclectically interested and
eclectically involved. Too often I’m distracted by the Oo, Shiny! Books, online
courses, careers …
Do you think it’s time to stop buying books (or at least
slow down) when you have over 1,000 physical and ebooks you haven’t yet read?
Most of mine are accessible on my phone. <sigh>
And what about courses and lifetime access to online
conference sessions, some of which were inexpensive, others … not so much?
I’ll buy this healthy living annual subscription and access
to this library of workouts, and I’ll be healthier by the end of the year … if
I access them and put what I learn into practice that is. (We won’t mention
the fact that I was a personal trainer and know what I need to do to get
healthier.)
Of course I’ll maintain my doula certification while
writing, editing, working as our church admin, and helping my hubby clean the
church each week. Sleep? Who needs it? (That would be me.)
To be honest, my whole life might be a case of FOMO, fear of
missing out.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
In 2020, I will seek to live by my conviction that I have
been called to contentment.
I will read 24-36 of those books I already have.
I will complete at least 12 of those online courses I’ve
purchased and put into practice those things I learn from my paid
subscriptions.
I will devote myself to writing—and publishing—the
books I’ve begun.
I will maintain my doula certification because this is
something I’m passionate about, but I will pace myself and not leave the
requirements of my recertification to the last month or so.
I will stop becoming distracted by the Oo, Shiny! and look
for the sparkle in the opportunities and possessions I already have.
Plus, I will regularly give thanks for my life as it is in
the Here and Now.
How can you grow more content in the year ahead?
Do you have a word of the year? If so, what is it and why
did you choose it?
All the very best in 2020!
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
If you like Christmas devotionals, check out my guest post at Patti’s Porch. Someone who comments on the post (on that site, not here) will win a print or ebook copy of my daily devotional book, A Year of Tenacity. Draw is on December 17, 2019. Link: This is the Lord’s Battle.
Can you
believe it? In a little over a month it will be 2020. Does that sound as
futuristic to you as it does to me? (Maybe I’m just showing my age.
<grin>)
I like to
make plans for the new year at the end of November.
Here are
six reasons to do so:
Making
New Year’s resolutions has a built-in expectation of failure. Let’s face it,
most resolutions get tossed aside before the end of January.
If
we leave planning until the end of the year, we don’t feel as if we have as
much time to fine tune our plans with January 1 looming before us.
We
may feel pressured by all the yearend advertising. Join this gym. Buy this
discounted bundle online. (Guilty.) Make this the year you do … (I’m sure you
can fill in the blank with any number of things.)
If
we “test run” our resolutions next month, we can do so with a minimal number of
onlookers. (Hey, even the gyms are less crowded in December.)
And
if we start in December, we can see what works and what may be best set aside.
But don’t forget to give yourself grace since many of us are especially busy
during the holiday season.
And
if you’re just coming off the writing high of trying to pump out 50,000 words
in November (NaNoWriMo), you may feel as if you can conquer the world. Why not
start before the feeling fade? (I will be away for part of the weekend. A dear
friend’s mother passed away this past week, and the service is on Saturday.
However, I’m hoping to hit 50K before getting on the road. It would be the
first time ever.)
Many of us
choose a word for the coming year. And if we’re Christians, we may feel the
Lord has laid something on our heart. That is the case for me this year. I
believe 2020 is to be my personal year of contentment, which is not to be
confused with complacency.
So, just
how can our Word of the Year line up with our List of Goals? (Notice, I didn’t
call them resolutions.)
Here are
six of my goals, all of which should lead to greater contentment. (Hint: It’s
best to frame goals as positive statements. Negative ones just make us feel as
if we’ve failed up to this point.)
If
you know me, you realize I am eclectically interested and eclectically
involved. Call it the Oo, Shiny Syndrome, the Butterfly Syndrome (I have a
tendency to flit from one thing to the next to the next), or just call it Oh,
Squirrel! Regardless, my goal is to focus more on the task(s) at hand and only
pursue something new if I’ve thought it through and maybe, just maybe, set
something else aside. (That is almost painful to commit to. Who says we can’t
spin two dozen plates at the same time?)
Narrowing
my focus means it’s far more likely than I can do some of those things I’ve
been planning for years, things like publishing a novel and a nonfiction book.
There, I’ve said it. I won’t only be content if I birth these two book babies,
I will be ecstatic.
Between
a gym membership, online fitness site memberships, and the DVDs I have on hand,
there is no reason I can’t be stronger and healthier by the end of 2020 than I
am now. That plus the fact that I actually like to exercise. Yes, I am one of
those weird people.
Hand
in hand with getting more exercise is the importance of eating a nourishing
diet. To all of you who do, kudos! Really! By the end of 2020, I want to be
consistently eating more healthfully. I’m not committing to perfection,
whatever that may mean, but the more I eat healthy foods, the more I want to do
so. I already know that. It’s just a matter of putting the knowing into
practice—and using all those fancy gadgets and cookbooks I’ve purchased, hoping
they’ll motivate me to do better.
My
To Be Read (TBR) pile is monumentally high. Plus, several of my favourite
authors will be releasing new books that I will be tempted to buy over the next
12-13 months. Contentment doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t buy some of these
books, but it does mean I will deliberately get to some of those books I have
neglected far too long.
And
speaking of books, I have numerous versions of the Scriptures—and access to the
others online. While I will be using some of the Bible study tools I have on
hand, I don’t need anything more than my Bible to grow in my faith over the
coming year. The plan is to focus more on reading God’s Word than being
distracted by all the shiny study resources that are sure to come to my
attention.
So, what
about you? Do you have a word for 2020? Have you set some goals for yourself?
I’d love to hear about it.
May 2020
overflow with the very richest of blessings!
Tweetable: 6 Reasons to make your plans for the new year at the end of November. Via #StephBethNickel #2020 #newyearsresolutions #goals [Click to tweet]
Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
“The most ordinary days become extraordinary places of transformation when we hope in Christ instead of our circumstances… No circumstance is too ordinary or too forgotten for God to meet us there in worship. His transforming grace turns our ‘everyday ordinary’ into a holy place of becoming.”
Beholding and Becoming, page 221
This delights me, because I hear an echo
of Brother Lawrence’s call to practice the presence of Christ. It makes such
good sense: the closer we are to Jesus, the more we abide in Him, the richer
life becomes. The more like Him we become.
Subtitled “The Art of Everyday Worship,” Beholding
and Becoming is a lovely hardcover gift book. Each of the 16 sections is
lavishly illustrated with soul-resting art and gentle text. Sections are
divided into “Beholding” a key truth about God and “Becoming,” where readers
are invited to apply what they’ve read to daily life.
Stopping to appreciate the artwork helps
readers to slow down and absorb the text. The art incorporates symbolism
(explained in a glossary—don’t worry if you’re not visually intuitive) to
reinforce section themes.
I’ve marked a number of key passages for further thought. The sections that spoke to me most personally looked at smallness (held in God’s greatness) and at redefining failure and success (the author declares, “Faithfulness is success” [page 111].
These, and other themes addressed in the
book, are common to many people in these crowded, don’t-slow-down days. Beholding
and Becoming is a meditative invitation to dare to slow down and consider
who God is—and what difference that can make in our lives.
Ruth Chou Simons is the author of GraceLaced,
another beautiful hardcover gift book, and she is the founder of the GraceLaced
ministry. For more about the author and her work, visit gracelaced.com.
[A review copy
was received from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. I was in no
way compensated for this review.]
Melancholy or sanguine? Introvert or extrovert? Director or
connector? Analytic or expressive? Enneagram 2 or enneagram 7?
If you’ve ever taken a personality test, some or all of
these terms may be familiar to you. (I love taking quizzes. I’m pretty sure I
can chalk it up to my personality type.)
Introverts and Extroverts
Maybe the most familiar terms are introvert and extrovert—and
the more recently coined ambivert.
While there is much literature and more than a few GIFs that
explain what it means to be an introvert, it really clicked for me when I
discovered how introverts and extroverts recharge.
Typically, spending time with people drains an introvert and
energizes an extrovert.
An introvert isn’t necessarily shy and reserved. They may
enjoy spending time with family and friends. They may love to be out and about.
But there comes a time, they have to spend some time alone. Otherwise, they
will feel completely depleted.
On the other hand, an extrovert may be exhausted, wanting
nothing more than to curl up on the couch and spend the evening reading a good
book or binge-watching Netflix. However, if they have to go to a function, they
may very well be the last one to leave. Time with people whose company they
enjoy can be even more energizing than an evening on the couch.
As an extrovert “on steroids”, I can’t tell you how much I
appreciate the introverts who call me friend. Trust me, I know how
annoying I can be. <grin>
We must learn to appreciate those with different personality
types. God has made us unique and we need one another.
I think it’s humorous that I am the only extrovert in my
family. My husband, daughter, and two sons are all introverts. My firstborn may
technically be an ambivert, but he definitely falls on the introvert side of
centre. For the most part, he would be happy spending the majority of his time
at home with his wife and their six guinea pigs.
Connectors, Inspectors, Directors, and Reflectors
Not only is it a good thing to know your own personality
type. It is also helpful to know your spouse’s. In my case, I have been married
to an amazing man for over 35 years, an amazing man who couldn’t be more
different from me.
As I mentioned, he is an introvert.
Dave is also a reflector, while I’m a connector.
Reflectors “take time to listen to others, making them feel
seen and heard; drop what [they’re] doing to help someone in need; and exude a
sense of calm confidence that helps others relax when their around.” (Exhale
… p. 119)
Connectors “make everyone feel welcome, wanted, included;
exude an upbeat, optimistic mood; and enjoy taking center stage.” (Exhale … p.
116)
Of course, people rarely fit neatly into a particular box,
but we have definite leanings.
I first learned about this test from Cheri Gregory and Amy
Carroll, the hosts of the Grit ‘n’ Grace Podcast and the authors of Exhale:
Lose Who You’re Not, Love Who You Are, Live Your One Life Well.
(Don’t let the title mislead you. This is not merely a
self-help book written to make readers feel good about themselves. These ladies
truly love the Lord and want each of their readers to discover who God made
them to be.)
I learned about these personality types from Kathi Lipp and
Cheri Gregory, in their book You Don’t Have to Try So Hard: Ditch
Expectations and Live Your Own Best Life.
Sometimes, you only have to read the list to find out where
you fit.
While I try to be amiable, I definitely qualify as an
expressive. Our top emotional needs are “attention, affection, and approval.”
Our God-given assets include being having a good sense of humor, being good on
stage, and having a sensitive heart. Our potential liabilities include being a
compulsive talker, scaring people off, and being too happy for some people. (You
Don’t Have to Try So Hard … pp. 43-44)
And thankfully, my hubby is an amiable. I’m not quite sure
who else could put up with my compulsive talking and over-the-top happiness.
Amiables need “respect, self-worth, and harmony.” They have “low-key
personalities; are calm, cool, and collected; and are happily reconciled to
life.” They may be indecisive, shy, and compromising.
Challenge
Take a personality test and encourage someone close to you
to do the same.
As you learn more about yourself and those closest too you,
you will be better able to appreciate the strengths and extend grace when it
comes to the areas of potential weakness in yourself and others.
Tweetables
Typically, spending time with people drains an introvert and energizes an extrovert. (click to tweet)
Appreciate others’ strengths and extend grace when it comes to areas of potential weakness. (click to tweet)
Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
At the risk of sounding cliché, the possibilities really are
endless.
How should I pursue publication?
Should I look for an agent and try to get a traditional
deal?
Should I self-publish my work?
Should I do both and become a hybrid author?
If I choose to self-publish, what will I do myself?
Format my manuscript? Create a book cover? Edit my book?
And if we’re Christian, we likely want to be certain that we’re
fulfilling God’s call on our life—and going about it as He would want us to.
But how can we know that we’re following the path He has set out for us?
Writer or not, there are a number of ways to do so—and
they’re not as mysterious as we may think.
Study God’s Word.
The Scriptures are the Lord’s primary means of communicating
with us. It’s important to become familiar with what they say and what they
mean in context.
In God’s Word we find specific instructions and principles
that apply to every area of life.
Seek to obey His commands and directives.
Are we seeking, in God’s strength, to walk in obedience to
Him? As we do, He sheds light on the path before us and enables us to take the
next step on the journey.
Spend time in prayer.
Sometimes, it’s as we pray for guidance that He gives it. At
other times, it’s as we’re praying for others that the Lord nudges us in the
direction He wants us to take.
Seek godly counsel.
Wise counsellors may be members of our family or fellow
members of our church. They may be friends, neighbours, or even those we’ve
developed relationships with online.
Wise counsel, direction that honours the Lord, points us in
the right direction—even if it’s not what we want to hear.
And we can rest assured that it will never contradict the
clear commands in God’s Word.
Use your talents and abilities as you have opportunity.
While we are responsible to develop them, God gave us our
talents and abilities. They are often a good indicator of the route we should
pursue.
Pursue that passion that just won’t go away.
We can’t do everything we’d like to do in this life. (Ask me
how I know this. <grin>)
Still, if there is a God-honouring passion that never leaves
us, no matter what our circumstances and season of life, it’s likely something
the Lord wants us to investigate—and possibly, pursue.
Persevere.
I recently heard that there are writers who give up because
the words just aren’t flowing. These individuals figure if God wants them to
write, He will give them the words and it will be easy.
Any of us who have written anything from a Facebook status
to a full-length novel know there are times it’s far from easy. The right words
seem as elusive as the bat my hubby can’t find in our house (but that’s another
story).
Still, the Scriptures have much to say about perseverance.
And if God has put it on your heart to write, I encourage you to persevere.
Develop your skills. And continue to seek Him for guidance and direction.
Tweetables
Wise counsel, direction that honours the Lord, points us in the right direction—even if it’s not what we want to hear. (click to tweet)
If there is a God-honouring passion that never leaves us, it’s likely something the Lord wants us to investigate. (click to tweet)
Any of us who have written anything from a Facebook status to a full-length novel know there are times it’s far from easy. (click to tweet)
Steph Beth Nickel
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
Know your why … we’ve all heard it. But what does it mean?
We don’t want to become self-obsessed, but it really is good
to know why we do what we do … and why we want to pursue certain interests and
passions.
If we work outside the home, one reason may be to earn a
steady income. As much as I enjoy working in the church office, one of the
primary reasons I continue to do so is to earn that paycheque every two weeks.
There are plenty of people who work from home who earn far
more than I do, and I know I could do the same if I put into practice what I’ve
been learning. But should I?
Before we decide to hand in our resignation, we must get to
know not only the business / creative endeavour we want to pursue but also
ourselves.
Why You Might Want to Work from Home
It may be more cost effective. When you consider
wardrobe, transportation, and childcare costs, sometimes, it makes more sense
to work from home.
Your day job is far too stressful. Just remember, it
can also be a strain on your mental health if you don’t have a clear business
plan, a good support system, and significant self-discipline. All three are
needed to work from home.
You need the flexibility of setting your own hours. Are
you caring for children or aging parents? Is your most productive time outside
of regular work hours? Do you have health concerns that make it a challenge to
work outside the home?
You are committed to lifelong learning. What it takes
to have a successful home business is always changing. If you’re not committed
to staying current and learning from those with more experience—who, in many
cases, are significantly younger—working from home may not be for you.
Can you afford a dip in pay for a time? Granted you
don’t have to get the most expensive tools of the trade when first starting
out. So, start-up costs may be minimal, but it’s likely you’ll make less than
you do for a while, even if you currently have a minimum wage job. That’s why
what I suspect is the majority of people make the shift gradually, working at
their day job and establishing their home business at the same time.
Why You Need a Support System When Working from Home
For the good of your mental health. Even introverts
need to personally interact with people from time to time. But for extroverts
such as myself, it’s lifegiving. And if we don’t have that stimulus on a
regular basis, we may look for it by listening to podcasts and hanging out on
social media far too often. (Ask me how I know these things. <grin>)
To both encourage and challenge you as needed. When
we’re uncertain if we’re making headway, it’s important to have someone in our
corner to encourage us. When we’re not pouring enough time and energy into our
business (there are countless distractions when one works from home), we need
someone to lovingly challenge us to press on. Setting our goals and sharing
them with an accountability partner who will check in with us regularly can be
a big help.
To come alongside you in various areas. Maybe you
need help with childcare. Or maybe it’s housework. Or maybe it’s in
business-related areas, such as tech support and legal counsel. Maybe running a
successful home business means you have to install an app that prevents you
from getting lost down the rabbit hole that is social media while you sit in
front of your computer, wondering what you’re missing in the big wide world.
Why Working from Home May Not be the Best Choice for You
You need more money than you can currently generate from
home. If your goal is to make enough money to quit your day job, you may
have to do extra work for a time, establishing your business in “the margins”
left by your current employment and other responsibilities. And, if you’re
committed to working from home fulltime, you’ll have to practice saying no when
other opportunities come your way. You may very well have to back away from
some of the things you are currently doing in your “downtime.”
You don’t have the support of your spouse. If you do
your research and lovingly build a case for working from home, it will likely
go over much better than if you come home from work one night and tell your
spouse you’ve quit your day job—especially if your current income goes toward
paying the bills.
You need the stimulus that comes from working with others.
Someone I know has fairly recently realized that the quiet is far too loud
to work from home exclusively. Yes, that someone is me. I process things
verbally. (Big surprise to anyone who knows me, I’m sure.) And when someone I
work with asks for my counsel because they value it … Wow! I am humbled and
blown away.
That’s why I watch too much TV and listen to too many
podcasts when I’m on my own. I need company. That, more than actual laziness,
is what keeps me from accomplishing all I’d like to do in my home office.
Right now, all you introverts are confused and scratching
your head, I’m sure.
There are too many distractions at home. Whether
you’re an extrovert or an introvert—or somewhere in between—perhaps you would
find it difficult to work from home because the housework is calling. Or maybe
it’s the kids or your spouse. You may find it difficult not to answer the door
or respond to that text that just came in. Maybe it’s a beautiful day and you
decide to go for a walk and get your work done later. Or maybe the covers are
just too warm and your pillow much too soft. See what I mean about
distractions, especially for someone like me … SQUIRREL!
Most importantly, as a Christian, you may not feel it is
what God is calling you to at this point. Recognizing who God created us to
be is an important process, one that takes a lifetime. Praying and seeking wise
counsel in this area, and in all others, is very important.
We are all created different—and that’s a good thing. I
would love to have a successful home business, but, for now, I acknowledge that
there are several reasons I will continue to divide my time between working
outside the home and working from home.
Know your why. Know yourself. And go from there.
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
The Lazy, Hazy, Crazy
Days of Summer: Emphasis on the Crazy
by Steph Beth Nickel
What does summer mean to you?
Enjoying the longer days and warmer weather?
Occupying your children?
Heading away on vacation?
Kicking back and enjoying a slower pace?
Reading more books?
Two years ago, my hubby and I went to Alberta for two weeks.
Dave had wanted to take me to Jasper since we were married over 35 years ago.
It was wonderful!
Last year, we did a whirlwind road trip to all the Maritime
provinces. I’d never been farther east than Quebec, and Dave had never been to
Newfoundland. It was an adventure for both of us.
And this year … Well, we are spending a couple of days in
Frankenmuth, Michigan. My hubby loves Christmas and he loves Bronners, the
Christmas Store.
We may camp for a couple of weekends, but this summer will
be far more low-key.
Winters don’t typically weigh me down emotionally. This past
winter, however, was different. I found myself sleeping much more. I had zero
energy to write and edit in the evenings.
And then spring arrived. My spirits lifted and I became more
productive—somewhat, at least.
I made the mistake of blinking, and now, it’s summer.
I have a lengthy list of goals to accomplish in the next
couple of months, including participating in Camp NaNoWriMo and finally
finishing the edit for the first book in my Nurture and Inspire series.
I also want to get the first draft of the follow-up to
Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoir, Living Beyond My Circumstances, complete—or
close to it—by the end of August.
I would like to get back to work on the first novel in my
Hard Choices series if at all possible.
There are also other projects I want to tackle, but I’ll
spare you the details.
So, will my summer be lazy? For the most part, I don’t think so.
How about hazy?
That’s how my brain feels at the end of my church office
workday. If I exercise more, eat better, and get adequate rest, I should be
able to fight the haziness. Weatherwise, it’s beyond my control, however.
And now, to the craziness …
I pretty much covered that when I shared my list of goals.
Those goals plus editing my client’s 100+K fantasy novel would, to many people,
be the very definition of craziness.
How do you determine when your schedule is too crazy?
Do you feel overwhelmed just making the schedule? Yes? Then
it’s likely time to pare down the list.
Do you have a realistic view of what you can accomplish in a
day? A week? A month?
Even knowing you have unrealistic expectations, do you still
include too many things on your To Do list?
Is there any time to recharge your batteries on your schedule?
Recharging and refreshing are not selfish. We have nothing to give if we don’t
do so.
Is there time to simply enjoy being with family and friends?
Whether your household is swarming with children or you’re an empty nester …
whether you come from a big family or it’s just you … summer is the perfect
time to enjoy time with your favourite peeps.
Whether your summer is shaping up as lazy, hazy, or crazy, I
pray you have a great one.
Blessings, one and all!
Tweetables
Overwhelmed just making your schedule? Time to pare down. (click to tweet)
Recharging and refreshing are not selfish. (click to tweet)
Summer: the perfect time to enjoy time with your favourite peeps. (click to tweet)
Steph Beth Nickel
(Photo by Stephen G. Woo Photography)
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
Who’s your BFF? Who do you love spending time with? Who can
you call in the middle of the night when you need them?
I’ve found that good friends, genuine friends, are marked by
several characteristics. Let’s consider five of these traits.
Good friends listen.
Sometimes we need advice. And it’s great when we have wise,
insightful friends who will “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).
However, there are other times, we simply need someone who
will listen—just listen.
My husband of over 35 years is an active listener. He
doesn’t just stay quiet and pretend to listen. He is my sounding board when I
need to pour out my heart. It’s such a blessing to have friends like
this—whether or not they’re also family members.
Good friends share
from their heart.
Another mark of genuine friendship is trust and
authenticity. When our friends trust us enough to share from their heart, it’s
a good indicator that our friendship is solid.
While there may be many people we refer to as friend who don’t open up to us, it’s a
privilege when they do.
Sometimes they’ll want our advice. Sometimes they’ll need us
to listen. We have to resist the temptation to turn the conversation back to
our own situation when our friends pour out their heart.
Good friends cheer us
on.
Are you beginning a new adventure? A new challenge? A new
battle?
Our very best friends are there to cheer us on when this is
the case. They may be able to relate to our situation; they may not. Still,
they’re rooting for us. They’re in our corner. We can depend on them and call
on them whenever we need a boost.
Good friends facilitate
growth.
While true friends are good listeners, open up to us, and
cheer us on, they also challenge us to grow. They don’t so much demand growth
but facilitate it.
Good friends have a way of making us want to become better
people. They bring out the best in us. And they forgive us when we’re less than
our best—even when we’re at our worst.
We want to become better people when this kind of person is
in our life.
Good friends address
hurts.
Do our real friends hurt us? Do we hurt them? Yes and yes.
Sometimes we hurt one another unintentionally. At other
times, for whatever reason, we may be intentionally hurtful.
Our very best friends will address the issue. It may be hard
for us to hear. It’s likely even harder for them to bring up. However,
friendships that endure the test of time are often marked by openness and
honesty.
When we get close to someone, when we open up to them, we risk being hurt, but it’s worth it.
I am privileged to have many such friends and I’m thankful
for each and every one of them.
Now, that we’ve considered some traits of genuine friends,
let’s take an honest look at ourselves. Are we this kind of friend? What steps
can we take to become even better friends than we are today? Are we willing to
do the hard work, the work that reaps rich rewards?
Tweetables:
When we get close to someone, when we open up to them, we risk being hurt, but it’s worth it. (click to tweet)
Good friends listen. They share from their heart. They cheer us on. Good friends facilitate growth and address hurts. (click to tweet)
Steph Beth Nickel
(Photo by Stephen G. Woo Photography)
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
Last month, I talked about paring down our To Do list.
Today, I’d like to talk about why we take on as much as we
do.
While I can only speak for myself, maybe you can relate.
Financial Need
There may be responsibilities you would like to set aside,
but you have bills to pay. I can relate.
For the most part, I enjoy my work outside the home, and we
do need the money. Still, there are many days I’d love to stay put and work in
my home office and spend time decluttering the stuff I’ve accumulated over the
last 30+ years.
I feel for those who have to hold down an “evil day job” in
order to make ends meet.
Others’ Dependence
I see this as a two-sided coin. We depend on others and they
depend on us. That’s the way life works.
However, when others are so dependent on us that we get
drained and have nothing left to give, we need to re-evaluate our To Do list
and prayerfully consider what needs to change.
Others’ Expectations
We’ve likely all taken on tasks because someone else thought
we should—maybe a family member, employer, or church leader. Maybe it was a
casual acquaintance, but we didn’t feel we could say no.
We ought to be able to expect things of one another, but
when those expectations become unreasonable, we have to be able to let go of
them without resentment or fear of hurting the relationship.
Our Own Expectations
How many times do we think we could take on “just one more
thing”—even though we don’t have adequate time or energy?
In my case, the answer is “at least several times a month.”
So, if I could do without sleep and never binge watch
Netflix, I could do a lot more than I do now. However, that time would best be
spent completing tasks I already have on the go.
The New, Shiny
Syndrome
Are you like me?
Do you see something new and shiny, something you already
have the skills to accomplish or would like to learn, and jump in with both
feet, only to remember you’re carrying the weight of all those other
responsibilities and find yourself going under—and then binge watching Netflix
because you realize you don’t have the ambition to do anything at all?
Grasping
Sometimes we take on a task because we’re grasping for something.
Maybe it’s a sense of acceptance, worth, or accomplishment.
Do we want to admit these truths to ourselves? Definitely
not!
Does it help to do so? Absolutely!
Passion
We may have a passion to do something, but that, in and of
itself, is not a reason to do something—or not to do it.
Some people refer to it as balance. I like to see it more as
tension, the good kind.
Every day we hold things in tension. How much time do we
spend on this or that task? How much time do we spend interacting with our
family? How much time do we devote to our friends?
Wisdom, we need it in vast amounts.
Calling
As Christians, we often ask ourselves, “What is God’s
calling on my life?”
Sometimes, that calling corresponds with our passions, our
expectations, our need to earn an income. But we have to be in His Word and
spend a significant amount of time in prayer, as well as seek godly counsel, to
truly discern what His calling is on our life.
Calling Plus, Plus,
Plus
Even after we do have a sense of what God has for us, we may
want to do whatever it is—as well as oh, so many other things.
I am definitely in this boat. In fact, I’ve actually made it
my houseboat where I spend most of my time.
Is that easy to admit? Nope!
Feel free to hold me accountable as I work this one through.
Rebellion
Though we wouldn’t want to admit it, we may be living in out
and out rebellion toward God. Perhaps, we know we should invest our time
differently, but we don’t want to.
That’s the bad news, but the good news is that God will
forgive us and change our heart if we ask.
An Overinflated Sense
of Importance (aka Pride)
Don’t get me wrong. I believe God values us highly. After
all, if we had a price tag, it would read, “The Life of God’s Son.”
However, He is God, and well able to accomplish anything He
desires—without our help.
Yes, He chooses to accomplish much through His people, but
we don’t have to take on every opportunity that comes across our path,
thinking, “If I don’t do this, who will?”
Trust God to give you wisdom and to raise up others to
accomplish what He isn’t calling us to.
An Unwillingness to
Set Aside Already Spinning Plates
I once heard a speaker say she never took on something new
unless she knew what other task the Lord would have her set aside. Such a great
perspective!
I definitely don’t live this way. I want to keep spinning
all the plates.
So, why do you take on the tasks you do? Are there those you
believe you ought to set aside?
As believers, we can count on Him to give us the wisdom (and
the desire) to do what He’s calling us to—and only those things. But I’m pretty
sure this is a lifelong learning opportunity. I’m trusting that I’m on the road
to learning this lesson now that I’m staring down my 60th birthday.
(Okay, so, it’s two years off, but when you get to be my age, two years flies
by.)
Thanks so much for taking the time to take a closer look at
why we do what we do.
Tweetables:
Sometimes we take on a task because we’re grasping for something—a sense of acceptance, worth, or accomplishment for example. (Click to tweet.)
God is well able to accomplish anything He desires—without our help. (Click to tweet.)
Steph Beth Nickel
(Photo by Stephen G. Woo Photography)
Photo credit: Jaime Mellor Photography
As an editor, Steph Beth Nickel has the honour of coming alongside writers to help them polish their work. As the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’s memoirs, Steph has been blessed to work with this amazing woman. And as a future self-published author, with the Lord’s help, Steph has taken brave steps toward publication.
